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Week 5: Somebody Else Won This Week

Week 5 Recap


Somebody besides Red Panda won this week. And by that I mean, Red Panda didn’t win at all! That’s because they had a bye week, but it still counts. For one glorious week, three other teams shared the spotlight.

Is That a Rocket In Your Pocket (4-2) vs. Hobo Annihilators (1-4)

South Carolina's suggestively named Is That a Rocket In Your Pocket ended their two game losing streak against Maryland’s needlessly aggressive named Hobo Annihilators in Week 5. Annihilators, who still haven’t won a non-forfeited match, showed remarkable poise against a Pockets team previously favored to to win the OGRLLfFC. Unfortunately for them, Pockets, lead by Evhul, who recently received a new shipment of super juice and protein powder, proved too powerful and walked to a 2-0 match victory.

Game 1 looked to be a blowout as Evhul scored a [p]at-trick within the first minute and a half, setting himself up twice by intercepting Annihilator’s passes and taking them to the house, and then finishing a perfectly centered pass at mid-feild from Dr.Hoppimbiber for his third goal. But Annihilators would battle back with FiraOmega finishing his own popup rebound off of Evhul, and a minute later scoring off of a pass from Ddoubledub (playing under the BlueTeamKillah handle) who, in the style of Joel Ward, grinded in the corner against two defenders and emerged with the ball. Evhul responded in the final minute, denying the comeback, and sealing the 4-2 win.

Game 2 ended 3-0 in favor of Pockets, a score disguising the game’s closeness. Evhul scored in typical Evhul style in the first minute, intercepting a pass in the defensive end and returning the full hundred yards. For the next two minutes he fought off a relentless Annihilator onslaught, before DrHoppimbimber was able to clear the ball. Within meters of scoring her first goal of the match, she was rudely demolished by a charging FiraOmega. Evhul would exact his revenge fewer than 30 second later with his second goal. Ddoubluedub kept them game close with a brilliant save at the 1 minute mark, but DrHoppimbimber would put the game away with her first goal in the final minute.

Pockets will finish their regular season against OPA Belters, as will Annihilators, after playing Illegal Engine in Round 6.

Is That a Rocket In Your Pocket > Hobo Annihilators


Illegal Engine (4-1) vs. Team Messibishi (3-2)

Colorado’s Illegal Engine had to shake off some rust coming out of their bye week against a surging Team Messibishi from New York. The match was expected to be close, and it didn’t disappoint. Game 1 was about as back-and-forth as it could be, with TRC (gaining a full 100 points) and Signal trading goals twice in the first 4 minutes. Illegal Engine’s wildcard, Strawberry “Sling King” Monster scored in the final minute of the otherwise deadlocked game to give Engine the 3-2 win.

TRC was nearly invisible in game 2, but Sling King was able to score twice off of 4 shots and 1 save to put Engine up 2-0 before half-time. TRC decided to contribute with 1:30 left with his third goal of the match to finalize a 3-0 win.

Illegal Engine will play Hobo Annihilators next, and finish their regular season against the-team-which-must-not-be-named (Red Panda). Messibishi draws Panda and 20K Rockets in their final two weeks.

Illegal Engine > Team Meassibishi


20,000 Rockets Under The League (4-2) vs. OPA Belters (1-4)

20k Rockets are for real, and they want you to know it. After losing in Week 3 to… that’s in first place right now, they’ve put together a 3 match winning streak in dominant fashion. This wasn’t going to be the first week OPA Belters won a game, despite their progress. Belter’s JackInTheBox knew it, saying “If we can beat [Hobo] Annihilators in Week 7, it’s a successful season. If we can’t…” he trailed off, but the implied end of the sentence was “I won’t move to California this summer because that’s a ridiculous thing to do”.

20K Rockets win 7-2, 6-1 and will finish their season against Tri-State rival Team Messibishi in Week 7.


Here’s a look at the standings after week 5.


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